3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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