Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
