You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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