with your own penis?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Welp...herpes.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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