Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just pee around me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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