i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
