no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
