i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
