I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
