the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
