So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
