So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize