is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
