We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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