I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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