I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
