my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
