I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
