Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
