Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
