my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
