My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
