im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
two words: eviction party
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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