im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
