Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
