Already got asked if we're dating
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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