I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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