last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
