Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
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