yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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