It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
