feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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