Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
