My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
