I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
