apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize