can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
