No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
