Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
