well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
