It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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