it hurts more in the daytime
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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