If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We don't watch enough power rangers
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
