i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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