he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
