Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
