I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
