Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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