The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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