We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
