That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
